August 06, 2006

some promises I make to you

self-portrait at the De Young Museum bathroom, SF, Canon Digital Rebel

I promise to never use the words:
EVER again. Because these words annoy the SHIT out of almost all of you and I respect you too much.

I also promise to never mispronounce words like supposibly and libary or get anywhere near the word "irregardless". I am still working on using "I" and "me" properly, but I have Matt on the case. He is very good at grammar.

Thank God I don't work in an office because I will never have to say, "Are we on the same page?" describe software as "sexy" or comment that Bob really "stepped up to the plate."

I promise to never shorten words like rellies for relatives, prezzies for presents, puter for computer or hubby for husband.

I am still stuck on the vagina thing, because as one of you pointed out, "I mean, come on. Guys get a cool word like PENIS. It even has a cool nickname, DICK, among others. I cannot think of one cool nickname for "vagina." So I'm with you there. We have limited options.

I WILL however continue to use a word that I find hilarious now and will find funny until the end of time. You will not like it. You will think it's gross and vile and you might not want to look it up if you don't already know what it means. If you DO like this word as much as I do, read all of the definitions on this page and prepare to laugh your ass off.

This word is "shart."

Posted on August 6, 2006 07:04 PM

here at our home our third child says it as
"kagina" is soooo darn cute that friends have called me up saying "hey, i asked jessie to say "vagina" today.

happy mom thoughts to you!


Posted by: lisa at September 14, 2006 07:07 PM

Visit our sites
Hair loss

Posted by: Pharma2007 at September 5, 2006 02:14 AM

Well, Supergirl and I have come up with some pretty good names.....I think we've settled on the Grey's Anatomy "Vah-Jay-Jay". It makes us laugh.

Posted by: Scout at September 4, 2006 01:24 PM

erosive esophagitis all about

Posted by: erosive-esophagitis at September 3, 2006 07:37 AM

Vagina = "cooter" here in the wild Utah west.

Posted by: Em at August 23, 2006 05:56 PM

Andrea, where to begin. Shart is funny. End of story. It is also tragic.

There are so many great words for vagina: muffin, fur taco, snugglesville, the pink alien (I just made up 2 of those). :-)

The best list I've found is:

Best wishes for a safe and happy pregnancy.

p.s. My favorite word is canker.

Posted by: Willie at August 23, 2006 09:02 AM

We use "hootus". Vagina is too clinical, pussy has negative connotations, this was a good middle ground for us. And fun to say!

Posted by: Lindsay at August 19, 2006 07:32 AM

Well, I'm here for the first time and I love you! Because I Hate with a capital H the words moist, preggers, and panties. I also can't stand the non word irregardless, and I feel that it is a little frightening that most people don't seem to know what is wrong with it.

Posted by: Rae at August 17, 2006 08:18 PM

Shart is genius. Poontang is pretty good though, you gotta admit.

Posted by: Kent Hrbek at August 12, 2006 05:08 PM

I love this photo. You are fabulous!

Posted by: kalki at August 11, 2006 01:43 PM

I don't get the moist thing either.. I thought it interesting that so many of the words people didn't like were directly or indirectly related to women.. moist? aren't we? and isn't that cool? and what's so cool about the word "penis" btw, sounds finicky to say, even if i like them an awful lot. What words we like, including female anatomy words, really has more to do with how we feel about what they relate to.

Posted by: Sandra Flear at August 10, 2006 05:59 PM

My fave substitute for the v-word has to be 'lady garden'. I don't have any detested words that I can think of but I do have some female friends that go into a 10 minute rant if someone is daft enough to compliment them on their 'blouse' ... go figure ;-)

Posted by: Hellkitten at August 10, 2006 03:13 PM

I haven't read all the comments, so someone may have touched on this, but my BIGGEST peeve is when people say "for all intensive purposes" instead "for all intents and purposes". Arrrrrggggghhhhh!

Posted by: Gabrielle at August 10, 2006 09:50 AM

Have you been watching Along Came Polly by any chance? "Oh My God, man we have to leave now, I just sharted" or something like it!

Posted by: Mia at August 10, 2006 08:35 AM

I hate the word moist. And OINTMENT.NONONONO.

Posted by: Som at August 9, 2006 09:17 PM

The General Couch (pronounced cooch).

Posted by: Gayla at August 9, 2006 07:14 PM

OMG- as vile and disgusting as the word "shart" is, I embarrassed myself (and my poor husband) because I was laughing so hard in the theater when we watched "Along Came Polly." I mean, hiccupy, Oh-my-god-I-can't-breathe laughter.

Your nickname references have reminded me of a funny Dick story.

You look fantastic! I second the poster who asked where you get your spunky clothes!

Posted by: Christine at August 9, 2006 04:02 PM

Andrea, Love the photo.

By the way, "Dick" is NOT a cool nickname. It's short (not literally) and characterless.

Why don't women start calling their's "Ginny"? It's cute!

Rock on!

Posted by: Tommy at August 9, 2006 12:40 PM

Love your photo....and omigod...I just realized - you are half-way through your pregnancy! And you know what? My bet is a gir. You are sticking out front and you don't have an ounce of fat anywhere else. To me that is the sign of a girl but time will is best to guess near the end.

Posted by: Leslie at August 9, 2006 11:23 AM

Some words I coined a few months ago after hearing the word shart for the first time-

Shartarreah (you can only guess what that means)

soquidass (solid, liquid, gas, this one definitely requires a shower)

Posted by: Sabine at August 9, 2006 10:42 AM

When I saw "Along Came Polly", and the "shart" scene came up, I nearly sharted my panties. Good times.

Posted by: Crissi at August 9, 2006 09:20 AM

hi andrea! i frequently stop by your blog because i admire your photography. but today i had to post to share about nicknames for private parts. one day my DD started calling her's a groover - it's soooo much better than the real term - don't you think?! :)

Posted by: charleigh at August 9, 2006 04:52 AM

where do you get your spunky clothes?

Posted by: bluefaery at August 8, 2006 06:06 PM

too funny!!

Posted by: jen at August 8, 2006 05:47 PM

thank you for making me laugh out loud this eve! by the way, you look gorgeous, mama!!!!


Posted by: wendy cook at August 8, 2006 04:34 PM

p.s. To Katy, who laughed so hard that coffee came out her nose...perhaps the word you're looking for is "snava," as in, "I was laughing so hard when I read that, snava came dribbling out my schnoz!"

Which brings up the word "dribble"... :D

Posted by: Laura at August 8, 2006 02:59 PM

Ohmygod, Andrea. I just laughed so hard, I sharted!

Thank you for the hilarious, hilarious post AND link!


Posted by: Laura at August 8, 2006 02:49 PM

I have always been a fan of teaching my children the proper terms for body parts (being a nurse I have to be all matter of fact about things). Never care for terms such as "we we" or "tu tu". So a while back my 3 year old was complaining of her but itching. I asked if it was her anus or vagina and explained the difference to her. Well, it back-fired a few weeks later when her grandma gave her a "china" doll and my daughter thought she said "vagina" doll. I think I'm still a fan of "real words" I'll just have to be more discrete.

Posted by: anna at August 8, 2006 01:04 PM

It's called a va-GI-na. The "gi" should be given at least 3 seconds during the pronounciation. This, of course, is totally lost in the written word but I find it is the best way to torture my husband (who isn't a huge fan of the word PEEEEE-nis either). Puritan.

And I'm with Tracey. No need to get all crazy with the "bloody show" and "mucus plug."

Posted by: Kristen at August 8, 2006 12:46 PM

promises promises!! ;)

thanks for the laughs. great writing.


Posted by: m. at August 8, 2006 12:12 PM

Reading the "va-jay-jay" comment reminded me of the other vagina euphemism in the show Grey's Anatomy. A middle-aged woman announced in ER announced that she wasn't wearing panties (SORRY!) and that there was no way the attending intern was going to see her "Good Girl." Loved that one! My daughter, beginning at age 3, simply called it her "V" or "Vee," a term we still use from time to time.

Posted by: Pamela from Texas at August 8, 2006 12:10 PM

Phillip Seymour Hoffman used it in a movie and it was pretty hysterical! Much better to laugh about a shart than to actually shart. That's for sure!

Posted by: kyra at August 8, 2006 08:58 AM

Just realized my url link was wrong.
Oh and I think "sha-shina" rules.

Posted by: Tracey at August 8, 2006 08:43 AM

look at that lovely bump you have!

i love shart - most of all the definition 'gas with mass' had be chuckling all the way home on the bus!

Posted by: Rosie at August 8, 2006 08:41 AM

When I was pregnant and working as a preschool teacher the kids started getting curious as to how this baby was going to get out of my belly. There was great discussion between them one day which ended when one girl confidently informed them that the baby would be coming out of my sha-shina!

Posted by: Sarah Jane at August 8, 2006 08:41 AM

What about 'mucus plug'? You gonna use 'mucus plug'? Or even better, the other phrase used for the same thing, 'bloody show'? Those are some of my husband's favs. Yum.

And as far as butterflies, I likened it to little bubbles bursting in my belly. Got any of that goin' on?

Posted by: Tracey at August 8, 2006 08:40 AM

did you SHART lately?
use it in a sentence! lol

Posted by: kristen at August 8, 2006 06:10 AM

Oh, I wasn't expecting the shart link to be so damn hilarious. Doubly so, because I know someone (who shall remain nameless to protect her innocence) who sharts when under extreme stress.

Just yesterday I almost peed my pants laughing as we discussed our plan for how I would have to walk home from our daily exercise walk to pick up her car to come and get her if she sharted. In the meantime, she would sit down at the park and pretend as if she were just resting, enjoying the scenery!

Posted by: Andrea at August 8, 2006 05:30 AM

I LOVE this picture of you!!! SOOOOO cute!!!!!

Posted by: Sundries Sublime at August 8, 2006 05:16 AM

A lovely old friend of mine called hers a "gine", rhymes with mine. She used it (the word) as we were leaving the salon after massages. She said "That creepy massage guy was looking at my gine!!" I laughed so hard that I think maybe I let out a shart.

Are you sure you're only 21 weeks? Usually the little protruding outie bellybutton comes later. Cute!!

Posted by: Amber at August 7, 2006 11:26 PM

i cannot get over how precious your belly looks. your skin looks all glowy too.


*warm hugs*

Posted by: Boho at August 7, 2006 11:12 PM

I could have sworn my little brother made up that word! Its good to know its not just my family who finds it hilarious.

Posted by: mandy at August 7, 2006 09:53 PM

Oh, shart. I just learned that word this weekend while hearing about a friend who did the deed. Too funny.

Posted by: Jenny at August 7, 2006 09:33 PM

i laughed heartily while my husband pronounced ‘disgusting!'
we all win.
and irregardlessly actually wins.
maybe weenis?

Posted by: leahpeah at August 7, 2006 09:12 PM

I heard a story about this guy who was on his way to a job interview and he sharted. It was told to me by someone whose friend knew him. Then I read a random email talking about the same thing. Is this some sort of famous shart urban legend??!!

Posted by: Anali at August 7, 2006 09:04 PM

I heard a story about this guy who was on his way to a job interview and he sharted. It was told to me by someone whose friend knew him. Then I read a random email talking about the same thing. Is this some sort of famous shart urban legend??!!

Posted by: Anali at August 7, 2006 09:04 PM

Great photo, Andrea - subject and composition.

In our house we have adopted my Dad's word for undies (we'd NEVER EVER say panties): mongrellies. Mongrellies is the shortened version of mongrelly ungrelly dungrellies.

Also, I like "front bum" for, you know, (whispers) "down there", where your panties go...

Posted by: hazelblackberry at August 7, 2006 08:46 PM

The vagina is not that deprived of cool names. What about " the clam banjo?" On a lonley evening no man can say he can play the "clam banjo."

Posted by: Randi Davis at August 7, 2006 08:39 PM

Gosh, I didn't comment on the last post, but I hatehatehatehatehate the word, 'scuse me the "word," preggers. What IS that? ugh.

Good call, everyone!

Posted by: Meg at August 7, 2006 07:06 PM

This was the funniest post ever! I had a conversation with my 23 yr old daughter regarding 'shat' being the past tense of the verb 'shit'. WAY back in my teens, my mom grounded me for laughing at her when, in some angry rant, used the word 'shat'...Coming from a barely 5 foot tall, Jewish mom it sounded hilarious!!

Thanks for the giggles!!

Posted by: Stephanie at August 7, 2006 06:32 PM

Too cute! You are such a cute prego!

Posted by: Trish at August 7, 2006 06:28 PM

Oh shit girl. I just laughed my ass off. You are so funny. Thank you for sharing this today. I so needed a laugh.....

You are so beautiful, I love you alien bump.


Posted by: Jenn at August 7, 2006 05:38 PM

you are HILARIOUS.


i first learned of the "shart" phenomenon in "Along Came Polly."

second favourite: "prairie dogging" as seen in "rat race."

Kimberly Pear: [Kimberly needs to go to the bathroom] Dad, I'm prairie dogging it!
Randy Pear: What the hell does that mean?
Jason Pear: You know, like when a prairie dog sticks his head in and out of the ground.
Randy Pear: Oh.
[Five seconds later]
Bev Pear: Ugh!
Randy Pear: Ohh, god, I do not wanna picture that!


Posted by: Leonie at August 7, 2006 05:11 PM

i've spoken abt. this with others.
Vagina is tricky.
But, I gotta say~Penis isn't soundin' too good to me either.
I'll get back to You on these.

oh MY but, you're growing that behbeh FAst, Andrea !!
It seems like just yest.......that you were lettin' us know the fab. news@@@@

Blessings hon.

Posted by: delia at August 7, 2006 04:47 PM

Great pic, look fantastic. Those be some sweet sunglasses. Oh...and the belly is a nice accessory on you as well.

"Moist" is indeed bad. "Doily" also makes me vomit in my mouth a little. Thankfully, the word seems to have worked its way out of the lexicon, along with "icebox," which is a bummer because I think this is a badass way to refer to a fridge. My fiancé teases me with as many "moist doily" sentence structures as possible. Great fun. For her.

I could tell some rather disgusting fratboy stories about some xlax-spiked cookies...and their shart-inducing qualities...but I'll refrain.

Great post. 'Love it when you reveal a new side to yourself.

Posted by: Jason at August 7, 2006 03:04 PM

I almost started to post before I read the definition, and I almost wish I would have just gone ahead and posted. I was going to ask if 'shart' was anything like the irish pronunciation of, well, what looks like 'shyte'...

I just adore the photo, by the way!!!

Posted by: Jennifer at August 7, 2006 03:02 PM

Shart. HA!

I like the word cooter. But not the word hooter. :)

Nice tummy, Andrea. I'm thinking about getting one, too....

Posted by: Laura at August 7, 2006 02:37 PM

1. Phillip Seymour Hoffman had an excellent, "I sharted" scene in Along Came Polly. In fact, I reckon he was the only good part of that movie.

2. Punky, cute comment. It made me cringe.

3. We use, "front bum" in place of vagina.

:) m.

Posted by: mikaela at August 7, 2006 12:51 PM

i figured out what "shart" was before i read the definition and i laughed until coffee came out my nose (is there a word for that)....

Posted by: katy at August 7, 2006 11:56 AM

ha ha ha ha ha...snort (oops!) why does everyone hate "moist so much? don't you peoples eat cake?

Posted by: my pink sky at August 7, 2006 11:15 AM

Finally, we the people have an advocate! You're a doll Andrea!

Posted by: Juli at August 7, 2006 10:51 AM

these last two posts and comments have been quite amusing to read. i love the colors in this photos! beautiful photo and beautiful gal. you look great!

Posted by: kerstin at August 7, 2006 10:50 AM

You. Look. Amazing. My Emma Magnolia is six months old, and already I can't really imagine that she was once so tiny that she fit inside momma's warm sweet wombspace.

Moving 'problem' with the whole vagina issue is that most women who use this (and teach their kids to use it) word are really talking about the Vulva, not just the vajayjay. Why bother using an "anatomical" word if it's not even the right one? In our house we call it a "kiki" which is the Tagalog (filipino) word, but then again, we use Tagalog words for most body parts, because the words are more fun to say ('pwet' instead of 'butt', 'kili-kili' instead of 'armpit', 'patoot' instead of 'fart'...etc.)

As for 'shart'....That's a good word. Tickles the ear and is so very clear.

Posted by: melissa at August 7, 2006 10:17 AM

I like yoni, and VJ is very hip. In our house we say Hoo-Hoo, unless we feel like torturing my son, in which case we chase him around singing "Vagina" while he holds his hands over his ears and says "I'm not listening!".

Posted by: Amy at August 7, 2006 09:42 AM

I like to use the nickname "Va-jay-jay". :)

Andrea, that is a GORGEOUS self pic. You are one hawt lookin' momma. Everything about the pic is friggin cool.

I think I'll go enjoy mes some moist carrot cake since I'm eating like I'm preggers and can't even manage to fit into my panties. Supposibly my co-worker and me are going to step up to the plate and get some research done at the library, irregardless of the fact that we have interns to do the crap work, but whatever. Speaking of crap ... I think I just sharted from choking on a prezzie. My hubby is going to laugh his arse off when he does the laundry tonight.

Posted by: punky at August 7, 2006 08:46 AM

being the mother of two very experienced "sharters" (uh, mom, i have a little problem here) as well as the recipient of countless very reasonable explanations as to how this can happen (in the STORE, at the RESTAURANT, for god's sake in the CAR????), i must say i am looking forward to the day when sharting also carries with it enough personal humiliation and/or social taboo so my two adorable children WILL STOP DOING IT ONCE AND FOR ALL.


Posted by: jen lemen at August 7, 2006 08:30 AM

Haha, moist preggers panties: That sounds GROHOHOSSS!

"Shart", however, is fantastic.

Dang, woman, look at you! You are a HOT MAMA!

Posted by: Kelly at August 7, 2006 08:04 AM

hey girl.
just checking out your blog. i love it. soooo inspiring. your belly is divine in its lush fullness.

i love your comments about not working in an office. as someone who does that part of her days, the inane comments, particularly the sports metaphors are enough to make me leap out of the window!


Posted by: swampggrl at August 7, 2006 08:04 AM

ha ha ha ha ha...snort(oops!) why do so many of you hate "moist"? don't you people eat cake!?!

Posted by: my pink sky at August 7, 2006 06:12 AM

ha ha ha ha ha...snort (oops!) why do so many people hate "moist"? don't they eat cake?

Posted by: my pink sky at August 7, 2006 05:56 AM

What fun you're having here! I'll switch to saying knickers right away.

We always used yoni, the Sanskrit word for vagina, until when my daughter was a toddler she met a little boy named Yoni at a birthday party. (Priceless look on her face when he told her his name!) She's since nicknamed her yoni "yi-yi".

And what a gorgeous belly!

Posted by: Nina at August 7, 2006 03:46 AM

What a fantastic pair of entries! Thank you for giving me a giggle over my morning coffeee, surely 'shart' is the one of the best words ever created?
Your picture is beautiful, you look fantastically pregnant (not preggers, of course), once again, CONGRATULATIONS!

Posted by: Hazel at August 7, 2006 02:43 AM

I think "knickers" definately beats "panties." You are the cutest prenant lady! It almost feels like you've always been pregnant or at least that you were always meant to be pregnant!

The color of that shirt is amazing.

Posted by: Erika at August 7, 2006 02:37 AM

I think "knickers" definately beats "panties." You are the cutest prenant lady! It almost feels like you've always been pregnant or at least that you were always meant to be pregnant!

The color of that shirt is amazing.

Posted by: Erika at August 7, 2006 02:37 AM

I think "knickers" definately beats "panties." You are the cutest prenant lady! It almost feels like you've always been pregnant or at least that you were always meant to be pregnant!

The color of that shirt is amazing.

Posted by: Erika at August 7, 2006 02:37 AM

Gorgeous self pic, Andrea!
I can get why people find preggers and panties repugnant, but such a strong aversion to moist!

You look pregnantly summery and shiny. :)

Posted by: amanda at August 6, 2006 11:57 PM

Applause to you for workin' on I and me, and thank you to Matt.

I nearly sharted when I was first introduced to the word "shart". There really should be a combo word for when you laugh and pee at the same time...instead of incontinence.

That post rocked my world. And you are so stinking cute with that belly!

Posted by: amy at August 6, 2006 11:23 PM

looking good hon, looking good! Loved the last post and everyone's comments. you had to of had fun going through them all!

I also have to say that I love "shart" as well!!!


Posted by: stef at August 6, 2006 09:12 PM

Your 21 week belly looks amazing! I love this photograph. I'm right behind you at 18 weeks, and I'm loving every moment of it. Even though I'll cherish our baby after it's born, I think I will miss being pregnant! Knock on wood, I've had a very easy pregnancy so far, and loving every moment! And - on another note, when men get a "cooler" word for their penis, and we get stuck with "vagina" ---- remember - our vaginas do amazing things - like bring out a baby into this world - what can the penis do that is that amazing? (LOL)

Posted by: Robyn at August 6, 2006 08:38 PM

my favorite word for vagina is "cooter" !!!
congrats on the baby, you look fantastic.

Posted by: e at August 6, 2006 08:36 PM

Your belly, as always, is beautiful.
Will you miss being pregnant once the baby is here? I wonder that myself as I look down and see my growing belly.

Also, thank you for your humor!
And yes, 'shart' is hilarious -
I'm afraid I've found a new slang to use.

Posted by: Tiff at August 6, 2006 08:27 PM

I am also pro-"panties". My husband used to hate the word, but he's come around. Though the word "knickers" is pretty darn cute.

Hey, should it concern me that I'm troubled by the word "lubrication"?

Posted by: alison at August 6, 2006 08:24 PM

Ah, go ahead and use panties. I love the word. It smack of feminine and when used as a weapon on a guy it works better than most! ie: "don't get your panties in a bunch!"

shart, right up there with vurp!

Posted by: chronicler at August 6, 2006 07:19 PM