June 07, 2004

grief

origami.jpg
origami, Canon 300D

Ive debated about writing this for days. How much should be said on a blog?

But I am reminded that sharing our stories helps us feel less alone. My friend Jen once said to me, Your honesty frees up little bits in me. And in the spirit of that, in the hope that maybe this entry will free up little bits in you, Im going to let you in on a secret.

This week has been one of the hardest Ive known. I was 2 1/2 months pregnant. (Read: joyous, beaming, dreams come true, feeling blessed beyond belief) and then began to miscarry early last week. The last many days have been spent full of grief, tears, curled up in bed in pain, amazed by all the blood.

Mine was a common type of miscarriage (they say it happens in 1 out of 4 to 5 pregnancies) but our sadness is still overwhelming. No matter how many people this has happened to, it has never happened to us. We have never felt this particular kind of pain.

A friend reminded me of the Jewish tradition of sitting Shiva. When someone dies, the family opens their home for a week and receives visitors. Guests fill their home with beautiful food and conversation and remind the family of how loved and supported they are.

This is a different kind of death, but still requires a grief process. Opening our home and not isolating ourselves during this time has helped us to grieve. We didnt know we would want to talk about it. We didn't know we would want to answer the phone. But every call, every note, every lasagna and home-baked cookie has made a difference. Every kindness feels like a tremendous gift, each gesture so potent.

I share this news a bit tentatively, but with the hope that it will serve someone else today or in the future. We are not meant to go through our grief completely alone.

My friend Sara reminded me of a lesson she learned from her teacher named Norman Fischer. As they sat in meditation, he spoke about pain, and the discomfort of sitting for long periods of time. He reminded them to notice not only the pain, but also that there were other sensations present as well. How do the tips of your toes feel? Are they tingly? How does your forehead feel? Are you cool or warm?

Pain has the ability to transform when we are willing to see the whole picture. I have used this metaphor a lot this week. When I was going through intense physical pain, I would remind myself to relax into it and not resist it. Id think about my toes and the tips of my fingers. When I was feeling emotional pain, I tried to also notice the heat of the sunshine on my face, the gift of cold root beer in my hand, and the joy of a beautiful friend seated in front of me.

There are also moments when we just feel deeply sad.

Matt and I were unsure about whether to keep our pregnancy a secret until the first trimester was over. All of the books seem to suggest this. Our instinct however was to share the good news, to celebrate it, to claim it, and not live from this place of fear. We decided that if something happened, we would want our friends to share in our grief as well as our joy. For us, this proved to be the right path. It helped us heal.

Miscarriage is somehow taboo to discuss in public. Believe me, I understand how private it is, but my heart breaks at the thought of so many women and couples grieving alone, feeling isolated in their pain, not wanting to burden anyone with this news, or not sure if people would understand.

We are all different, but I am grateful that my community grieved along with us. I am grateful we opened our doors and our hearts. I am grateful for the love that poured in. I am grateful to know that we are not alone in this journey.

And I know that one day we will celebrate. We will celebrate so hard and so joyously that the world will shake.


Posted on June 7, 2004 05:40 PM
Comments


Thank you for this.

Posted by: Ilsa at July 2, 2004 03:54 PM

andrea and matt,

may you be supported and nurtured in this difficult time by the knowledge that you are held in the hearts of many.

thank you for having the courage to share your story. it has made more of a difference than you will ever know.

you are both so very loved.

Posted by: ~dharma at June 16, 2004 07:30 PM

my friend who had the miscarriage had her baby girl on saturday! happy aand healthy! what a blessing.

Posted by: chrissy at June 14, 2004 05:11 PM

Hi, Andrea. I dont know you personally, but I love my superhero necklace and scarf that my Aunt Anne gave me, I wear them all the time. Thankyou for writing about your experience. On Friday (2 days ago) I also lost my baby, at 2.5 months pregnant. It was such a shock, I just had no idea it could be so fragile. Of course, I started blaming myself right away (what did I do wrong?) but I realized that it was really just something that happens sometimes. There are women who do everything wrong, and bring the baby to term, and women who do everything right and miscarry. There seems to be no rhyme or reason. It helps a lot to know that other women who are as happy as I am, as ready as I was to be a mother, that have the same experience and that it is really quite common to miscarry (1 in 4). Like you, I debated about sharing the news until the 1st trimester was done, but I was so happy I wanted everyone to know! Now I have to tell everyone the reverse news ...... my thoughts are with you.

Posted by: Gretchen at June 13, 2004 07:24 PM

I share in your sadness and wish you hope. I understand the silence of the pain of miscarriage. I discovered last year that my three year old had been raped. We have had a year of police interviews, physical exams, sleepless nights. The biggest pain is that my grief is unheard. My friends, my colleagues, some of my family have no idea. I celebrate your victory of bringing this pain into the light. Unfortunately the pain I deal with is not so easy to bring into the light.
My the Lord bless you and keep you, may the Lord make his face to shine upon you and give you peace.

Posted by: mia at June 13, 2004 07:08 PM

Your honesty frees up little bits in me. it did, thank you for your transparency and for talking about something so dear and special. i grieve with you.

Posted by: bobbie at June 13, 2004 12:39 AM

Dear Andrea,
My thoughts and prayers go out to you at this difficult time. Let your support system surround you with their love & caring.

Your ability to write about your loss is the beginning of healing. 13 years ago we miscarried a 6 week pregnancy. There was very little acknowlegement by others that a loss had even occured. We didn't acknowledge (and honor) it either. Only recently have we been able to discuss it with each other.

Take care of yourselves and know that others are thinking about you.

Posted by: Lynne at June 12, 2004 08:21 PM

I'm so sorry, Andrea. My heart hurts for you.

Posted by: Rachel at June 12, 2004 06:56 AM

andrea,

my thoughts are with you both...so amny people behind you with love and hope and strong shoulders to support. i've known many that go through this, and as sad as it must be ( because one cannot know until they experience it) the most beautiful thing about life..and sometimes the scariest...is that it changes all the time!
i wish you both second chances, new smiles and warm wishes.

xo
hollie

Posted by: hollie at June 11, 2004 06:16 AM

dear andrea,

i'm so so so so so so sorry!!!!

big giant hugs to you, all the way from paris

Posted by: isabelle at June 10, 2004 09:00 PM

*Tears*
I am so sorry.
Thank you for sharing, and reminding me that we're all connected, and that fear of happiness turning to sadness is not a reason to hide the happiness.
I hope the sharing is lightening your burden.

Posted by: shokufeh at June 10, 2004 05:39 PM

Boundless love you give out every day. Boundless love be returned to you now.
Peace and healing for you and Matt.

Much love
Karyn

Posted by: Karyn at June 10, 2004 05:31 PM

Andrea,

I was so happy to see you with a smile on your face at the SARK event last night. The strength of people amazes me. How inside, a heart can be breaking and yet the glow that emanates from it can bring joy to others.

I am sending many blessings and good energy to both of you.

Erin

Posted by: Erin at June 10, 2004 05:28 PM

You and Matt are in my thoughts -- I am sending love your way.

Posted by: Steph at June 10, 2004 03:37 PM

I am so sorry to hear of your pain and loss... It is so hard to understand why things like this happen. You have such a beautiful spirit about you and I continue to be inspired by you and your strength and courage.

God Bless you both...

Posted by: jill at June 10, 2004 02:28 PM

I'm sorry to hear about your loss. Know someone is thinking of you and your pain... and your healing. The art of grieving is an awkward skill to acquire. It is a rarely known secret that pain allows us to transcend to a temple of greater beauty, but we cannot always see it from the fork in the road where we are at the time.

My mother had two miscarriages between myself and my little sister and she once said that my little sister was worth all of that pain suffering because she brought so much joy and happiness. I hope that you may embrace your own joy and happiness one day.

Posted by: Jef at June 10, 2004 01:21 PM

You have my deepest sympathies. I have to admit, your post, although sad, was quite beautiful. There seems to a be a lot of sadness out there if you look, but this wonderful web community can give us strength from places I never thought possible.

I am currently going through my own kind of pain, that of a sick parent. It is a dark, private pain that I very often still need to share as well. It's my way of coping and dealing with the grief. Your grief has touched my heart, knowing that we all have our crosses to bear.

Thank you for a beautful photograph, a beautiful post, and for opening your heart and soul to each and every one of us. Once again, you have my sympathies. I hope father time and mother nature will bring the healing power your way.

I am,
G-Man

Posted by: G-Man at June 9, 2004 09:14 PM

I am truly sorry for your loss. I admire you for sharing both the positive things in life and the unfortunate. I wish the best for you and your family.

You are not alone.

Patrice

Posted by: Patrice at June 9, 2004 09:13 PM

Oh Andrea!....you and Matt have my sympathy, and my prayers and good wishes that you heal in body and in spirit. Although I've been where you are now, I won't pretend to understand your pain and disappointment. Your situation was uniquely yours alone, and deeply personal. How brave and wise and unselfish you are for sharing it with so many of us here. I wish you peace of mind and heart. And my sincere hope is that you have many reasons to celebrate and rejoice in the future.

Posted by: Julia at June 9, 2004 03:06 PM


Andrea, I was so sad to read this but I admire you so much for sharing and opening your heart. You are always beautiful,always strong. Take time to grieve and to heal. I'm keeping you and your husband in my prayers.

Posted by: Mary at June 9, 2004 02:47 PM

Dear Andrea,
I am so, so, SO Sorry for you and your husband...
I send you lots and lots of LOVE.
Thank you so much for sharing your story.

(And your origami!)

Posted by: ymke at June 9, 2004 02:42 PM

I have never commented on your website before and I just wanted to take this time to extend my sympathy at your family's loss.
Your light shines in places that you don't realize and I want to thank you for sharing your grief with us.
You and your husband will be lifted up in my prayers.

Courtney

Posted by: Courtney at June 9, 2004 02:17 PM

There is a light in this world,
a healing spirit
more powerful than any darkness we may encounter.
We sometime lose sight of this force
when there is suffering, and too much pain.
Then suddenly,
the spirit will emerge
through the lives of ordinary people who hear a call
and answer in extraordinary ways.

Mother Teresa

Posted by: Anon at June 9, 2004 11:55 AM

love you andrea

meesh

Posted by: meesh at June 9, 2004 09:49 AM

may much healing be yours. thank you for being brave enough to share.

Posted by: Jo-Jo at June 9, 2004 09:30 AM

i don't know what to say or how to say it and sorry for your loss just doesn't seem enough. you have many people thinking good thoughts for you, wishing you well and praying for you, i hope it helps you and your husband.

Posted by: chlamygirl at June 9, 2004 08:34 AM

i am so sorry. i carry your heart in mine, as e.e. would say. i hope that you can take comfort in the fact that one of my best friends and her husband went through the same loss two januaries ago, a deep sorrow and grief followed,and she is getting induced on thursday to deliver a healthy baby! miracles! hundreds of people are wishing you well, sending you love, and the tiny silver thread that links your baby to you will never come undone for all of eternity, you ARE a mother.peace and all good to you and to matt.

Posted by: chrissy at June 9, 2004 07:59 AM


I admire you for sharing this with us, you need friends around you right now.. now that you are hurting so much.. as time goes on the grief will be less.. but you will never forget.

and thats the way it should be.

love, Lori

Posted by: Lori at June 9, 2004 07:40 AM

I'm so sorry that you went through this awful loss, Andrea. Sending lots of healing vibes to you both.

Thank you for being brave enough to write about it though, it's so inspiring and moving that you were honest about this & I hope that it helps other people who have been through the pain of miscarriage.

Posted by: Kirsty Hall at June 9, 2004 07:35 AM

Let me add one more "I have been there too". This spring I'm watching eight graders graduate, thinking that we could have been celebrating an eighth grade graduation right about now. It's a sad ache.

Rest and heal and know you are not alone.

Posted by: Kateri at June 9, 2004 05:21 AM

As strange as it may sound in English, the Hebrew phrase seems more appropriate:

Ani Mishtatef B'Tzarech (literally,"I participate in your sorrow")

May we all be comforted...

Posted by: David at June 8, 2004 11:33 PM

Dear Andrea,

I am so sorry for your loss. I read you post last night and wanted to share my thoughts, but didn't, because I didn't have the words to express myself. So tonight I returned to try again, and was overwhelmed by the outpouring of love and support from all of these people, be they friends or strangers. I hope that this outpouring will bring some joy to your lives at this difficult time.

Rest and take care.

Andrea

Posted by: Andrea at June 8, 2004 11:05 PM

Everyone has said it so well I can only add my love to the mix. For you to so readily be aware of the loving and support from family and friends, even us strangers, is remarkable. That through your grieving you could recognize Joy in your life says everything about you. That in the very midst of your suffering you could move inside to find also gratitude leaves me breathless with awe.

Thank you for sharing this depth of yourselves.

In Loving and support, Shelley

Posted by: Shelley Noble at June 8, 2004 09:20 PM

Andrea,

Thank you so much for sharing this with us. I hope you will find some comfort in the emotional support of strangers. My thoughts will be with you. I hope you will continue to find strength and the ability to heal in yourself over the coming weeks. I truly believe that if you didn't have this baby, God had a reason to prevent it and when the time and circumstances are right, it will come back to you again.

Best wishes.

Posted by: Amy at June 8, 2004 09:12 PM

For the lack of anything profound to say, but having very profound feelings for your loss, I offer you and your husband a sincere "I'm sorry" and a wish that you will be able to rejoice again soon.

Posted by: Elaine at June 8, 2004 09:02 PM

I'm sorry doesn't begin to say what one feels in their heart with such a loss, on either side. For whatever the period of time was, that was your baby, and your joy. The blessing is that we are given these people in our lives to fill our hearts to the point of bursting. Great sorrow is a side-effect, but what would our lives be without it? To feel and to love, and sadly, to mourn, are great gifts.

Posted by: chris at June 8, 2004 08:28 PM

you are such a beautiful person. *hug*.

Posted by: jo anne at June 8, 2004 08:13 PM

take care andrea and matt. arms from the sky and the earth are hugging you deeply and warmly.

Posted by: crissy at June 8, 2004 08:13 PM

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

rest in the fact of how loved you are - that your 'virtual' friends are wishing they could be there in person to help you through this

brenda
xo

Posted by: brenda in toronto at June 8, 2004 07:17 PM

andrea, i'm so sorry. but what you share will give others hope that they are not alone in their grief process. you're brave and strong.

Posted by: stef at June 8, 2004 07:15 PM

Andrea,

I was so sorry to read this sad news today. I hope that you will continue to find comfort in your friends and loved ones and in the fact that there are so many people thinking of you and wishing you peace. Take good care.

Posted by: Josie at June 8, 2004 06:22 PM

peace to your inner selves. i am sorry for your loss. i am.

Posted by: natalie at June 8, 2004 06:05 PM

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. Thank you for sharing.

Posted by: Donna at June 8, 2004 06:03 PM

Andrea (and Matt),

Condolences to you on your loss. ((hugs))

I wrote once about your hand photo. They were so expressive and had a sense about them. Your heart is that way too.

By sharing yourself with others, you share your humanity. Thank you. You're real, have real feelings, and hopes and joys, and sorrows. You're not just a blog.

Remember - we must pass through sorrow to truly know joy.

May you be blessed always, and begin to move on to joy.

Posted by: cooper at June 8, 2004 05:56 PM

I want you to know that you are never alone and that even as you experience some of the worse heartbreak imaginable, I feel what you are feeling. True kindred spirits ache for each other in a time of need and I can not tell you how my heart breaks for your loss. Be comforted in knowing that you are blessed, loved and thought of in this time of sadness and even times of joy. I pray you find the comfort that you are looking for and I pray the you will be blessed with the gift of another little person who will bring you incredible joy.

Posted by: Lu at June 8, 2004 05:33 PM

dear andrea,
i just finished reading your post and i am left speechless....i share in your sorrow more than you know. robert and i found out i was pregnant on may 28th, but on the 30th i began bleeding so badly that i knew there was no way it would go to term. so many emotions raced through my body: sadness from the loss, fear that i might not be able to get pregnant again, anger at myself for not waiting to share the news.

although i was only about 2wks pregnant, we too wanted to share our news with those close to us and we did. only we had to tell them the sad news two days later. the blood - i am still amazed by the amount...it's been 10 days and it still has not completely stopped yet.

please know that you are not alone.

we will keep trying as will you and matt, and i will look forward to sharing our mutual good news in the near future.....

you will ALWAYS be in my thoughts until that day!
much love,
wendy

Posted by: wendy cook at June 8, 2004 04:26 PM

Praying for you and Matt.I am so sorry.

Posted by: shelly at June 8, 2004 03:55 PM

Christ Almighty, I'm so sorry for you both. I have friends who believe just as you do - tell as many people about your joy as possible so that if, God forbid, something does happen, you have friends, family, a support system, to give you some strength. I hope and pray that not only will your friends help you through this, but you will help each other through it. I know that you will...

Posted by: Jennifer at June 8, 2004 03:41 PM

this is one of the most sad and beautiful and brave things i've ever read.

thank you so much for sharing. thank you.

my heart goes out to you and your family, andrea.

Posted by: julia at June 8, 2004 03:26 PM

When I emailed & ordered my blue poppy superhero gear yesterday, I hadn't yet read this journal entry. Now, when I get my jewels in the mail, I'll remember that a superhero, did, indeed, make them---and that will make them all the more special and significant to me.

Thank you,


Bronmin

Posted by: Bronmin at June 8, 2004 03:11 PM

well, i feel i echo everyone else here & if i was to write a comment id just re-iterate what everyone else has already said.

in short: you have been a source of great inspiration and beauty for me. im sending a mental hug your way. i can only echo the cliche-ridden optomism mentioned before: with great sorrow comes great happiness, & i dont doubt this will be true in your case.

my thoughts are with you both

xxXxx

Posted by: - h - at June 8, 2004 02:50 PM

Andrea...I'm so sorry and I'll keep you and your husband and your baby in my prayers.

Posted by: nicole bruni at June 8, 2004 02:08 PM

Thank you for speaking on behalf of those who are hurting in silence. I know so many women who have gone through this. I want to send them all here, to read your story, so they may find a piece of their healing for their own stories. Blessings ...

Posted by: Idelette at June 8, 2004 01:55 PM

Andrea,
I am deeply sorry for yours and Matt's loss. My prayers are with you.

Posted by: abelle at June 8, 2004 01:09 PM

Thank you for sharing so openly, so bravely. Thank you for sharing your pain, your hope, and your love.

Posted by: kat at June 8, 2004 12:48 PM

i wept reading your entry. Just know that stangers far and wide are thinking of you and wishing you and yours well.
Reading your blog is one of my favourite daily rituals. You bring joy and inspiration to so many. I hope receiving our support and appreciation is some balm for you. You are in my prayers.
joan

Posted by: joan at June 8, 2004 12:39 PM

Andrea, I'm so sorry. You and your husband are in my heart and in my thoughts.

Posted by: Michele at June 8, 2004 12:35 PM

yet another stranger sending you love and light....

Posted by: oregoncoastgirl at June 8, 2004 12:31 PM

i can feel the world shaking already. until that day...be brave.

Posted by: anne at June 8, 2004 12:16 PM

Dear Andrea,

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss - look after yourselves.

Posted by: linus at June 8, 2004 12:14 PM

Oh sadness. Saddest saddest day. I am so sorry for the pain and for the loss and for the grief you are experiencing. I send you love and light and prayers for comfort and a place again to breathe that doesn't hurt so terribly much.

Posted by: bluepoppy at June 8, 2004 12:13 PM

Andrea,

You and your wonderful husband are so brave. You opened your hearts to the possibility of life and when it was there inside of you you both nurtured it and took explicit joy over it. Even in the face of this incredible pain you are still embracing life and love and sharing yourself with people who need to hear something beautiful, with people who need your support. Now we support you in time of pain and sorrow. Remember the rainbow at the end of a storm. Have faith that another life will come. Be blessed.

Posted by: Elizabeth at June 8, 2004 12:04 PM

Thank you for sharing. I can only begin to imagine exactly how difficult it is to even begin trying to find words to express what you're feeling. There is a poem by Elizabeth Dent (you may have heard before) that a friend passed on to me that was passed on to her that everyone who has suffered this type of loss can benefit from:
Go ahead and mention my child, The one that died, you know.
Don't worry about hurting me further. The depth of my pain doesn't show.
Don't worry about making me cry. I'm already crying inside.
Help me to heal by releasing the tears that I try to hide.
I'm hurt when you just keep silent, pretending he didn't exist.
I'd rather you mention my child, knowing that he has been missed.
You asked me how I was doing. I say "retty good", or "fine".
But healing is something ongoing.
I feel it will take a lifetime.

Continue to be strong, and thank you again.

Posted by: Ryan Zyskowski at June 8, 2004 11:40 AM

Dear Ones,

I am so very sorry for your loss. I know that no words could bring you true comfort in this deeply sad moment, but please know that I love you guys and send you my thoughts, prayers, and blessings. Sharing this was so very brave. My deepest condolences are with you both and my heart is open to share in your sorrow.

All my love and light,

Donavan

Posted by: Donavan Freberg at June 8, 2004 11:39 AM

Dear Andrea, I am so sorry about your news. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Posted by: Marieke at June 8, 2004 11:22 AM

Andrea,

I am so sorry that you have lost your baby. I am sorry that you have to go through all of this pain. I have felt this pain. I had a miscarriage at nine weeks, eight years ago. We also told everyone. It was the hardest thing I had ever gone through. Everything you describe I have felt too and sometimes when I want to talk about it I have trouble doing so. You are powerful and strong and it takes so much courage to lay it all out for all of us to see. A big hug to you and your husband.

Posted by: Michele at June 8, 2004 11:10 AM

Andrea -
I'm so sorry to hear about your loss; thank you so much for sharing and being so honest. My heart and prayers are with you and Matt.
xoxo
S

Posted by: stef at June 8, 2004 11:07 AM

you are so brave. and so loved.

xoxo

Posted by: nina gilbert at June 8, 2004 11:06 AM

Andrea, I'm so, so sorry to hear about your loss. My thoughts are with you both.

xx

Posted by: Jessica at June 8, 2004 11:00 AM

I was weary of responding to this because I didn't want to make you feel like I was an insensitive, wannabe academic but I'll just go ahead anyway. A few semesters ago, I wrote a paper for an anthropology class about miscarriage and the type of unspoken, silent suffering that surrounds it. I remember one author, a woman who had several miscarriages, was outraged that there aren't even greeting cards for such a loss, that's how taboo the whole thing is. Doing this project made me reconsider the "hush-hush" attitudes within my own family when cousins and aunts have had miscarriages. I think it's great that you and your husband are accepting support from friends and family. It is also brave to make public your loss here, on this blog. So with that long babble from a stranger, I send my healing vibes.

Posted by: whitney at June 8, 2004 10:08 AM

my dear darling Andrea...

you are one of the bravest, strongest women i "know." you are such a kind and gentle soul and an inspiration. if you need anything at all, don't hesitate to ask! you are such a blessing on this world, i know that one day you will bear life to an amazing creature and i have no doubt in my mind that you will be an amazing, extraordinary mother!!

much love and hugs and kisses
eMiLy

Posted by: Emily at June 8, 2004 10:04 AM

dear andrea & matt,

you've given us so much and i only wish we could all surround you and give you a collective hug. there are no words to comfort the greiving but know that you are well loved and many hearts send you stillness when you crave it and strength when you need it.

take care of yourselves,
lindsey

Posted by: lindsey at June 8, 2004 09:53 AM

Thank you so much fof having the courage to share about your loss. I miscarried last September. My husband had a serious car crash 4 days later which took him 5 months to recover from. Our community felt it was easier to rally round and support him than talk about our loss. I suppressed all my grief about losing the baby until these last few weeks. Reading your story and how you are grieving has helped me a lot. Until now I had mainly been visiting your blog for your beautiful photos...

Posted by: Cheryl at June 8, 2004 09:45 AM

a million hugs to you and your hubby!!
hugs of comfort
hugs of sorrow letting go
hugs of hope
and hugs at the amazement of how amazing you both are!

YAHWEH BLESS!

Posted by: paisley at June 8, 2004 09:44 AM

andrea,

thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing with all of us. We come here so often to get inspiration, laughter but most of all truth. We come here for support and I hope more than anything else right now you can feel the love and support surrounding you and matt. you both are in our thoughts today. i am overwhelmed by your ability to be honest and open with your spirit. why share the love and the fun if when you are in your darkest hour you can't reach out? you help so many and i hope for now we can help you too.

jenn

Posted by: jenn at June 8, 2004 09:43 AM

I am so very sorry to hear you went through this type of pain. The hearthache your family must felt. Please know you are in my thoughts.

Posted by: ani at June 8, 2004 09:34 AM

wow, that really touched me deeply. i am still wiping away the tears that spilled over unexpectedly. i too am two months pregnant. i feel so incedibley blessed, but also terrified a little each day.it is so easy to become consumed by the fears. we have been wrestling with wether to tell folks our joyful news, i want to cartwheel down the streets telling anyone that will listen, but it still seems so unsure...
my point i am trying to spit out is, thank you.
thank you for sharing your joy. thank you for sharing your pain. thank you for being so brave and setting a beautiful example of honesty. it has touched me, a very hormonal emotional stranger, in the same way it feels to have someone reach out and hold your hand. so i send you back that quiet peace of warm hands. i am sorry for your sorrow and feel quit sure you will be the most wonderful mama yet. so much wisdom, honesty and love comes across from you. thank you.

Posted by: rachel at June 8, 2004 09:23 AM

Andrea Dear Heart,

Thank you for bravely sharing your pain. You are helping more people than you know to not feel so alone. Your origami photo and the experience you shared reminded me of a Rilke quote:

" I want to unfold. I don't want to stay folded anywhere, because where I stay folded, there I am a lie"

Blessings to you and Matt, may you sit still, be soft, lean in, and listen.

Jill

Posted by: Jill at June 8, 2004 09:23 AM

my heart ached when I began to read further in to this entry...healing thoughts and warm, comforting hugs to you and matt as you work through the grief.

Posted by: becky at June 8, 2004 09:15 AM

Thank you for sharing so honestly and openly.

Posted by: JC at June 8, 2004 09:13 AM

Oh, Andrea.
I don't even know you but I feel as though I could embrace you, across the bay and through the air.

Posted by: Arin at June 8, 2004 08:49 AM

I was going to comment on the bright and lovely origami photo you posted today, then I read what you wrote. Now I feel my words are far too inadequate...

You are so dear for sharing your experience and encouraging other women to seek love and support during such a mournful time. I myself may have kept such a situation to myself - my own sorrow to face alone. I hope that if I ever have to go through such an experience, I will open myself up and allow myself to be loved.

You are so strong and couragous, Andrea. My thoughts are with you and your loved ones during this time.

Not to sound trivial or cliche, but sometimes through great sadness you find the greatest joy. Your celebration will be a sweet one indeed.

Posted by: rachael at June 8, 2004 08:17 AM

Andrea -

I am extremely sorry to hear of your loss. I hope that by sharing with others it lightens your grief. I will hold you up in my prayers.

Peace for you and Matt,
Erika

Posted by: erika at June 8, 2004 08:07 AM

i'm sorry for your loss... and i'm holding you up in love and light today.

Posted by: chele at June 8, 2004 08:04 AM

Dear Andrea,
My heart goes out to you and your family. Although we don't "know" each other I feel great inspiration and warmth from you every time I read your blog. Thank you for opening up and letting us help carry some of that weight.

An admiring reader,
carrster

Posted by: carrster at June 8, 2004 08:00 AM

Dear Andrea,

I feel so sad this morning as I read about this tremendous loss you and your husband have had. I am grateful for your words and the work you do here...for your willingness to be open and share your grief. I have learned a lot about love just witnessing how you go about your life. I learned a lot again today.

You are in my thoughts and prayers. I read somewhere that there is always someone in the world who you don't know that loves you. You have many, many, many someones.

warmly,
mikaelah

Posted by: mikaelah at June 8, 2004 07:41 AM

Andrea,
I'm so sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine pain like that. I teared up just reading about it. You are so brave to share this and let people in to help you along. My thoughts and prayers are with you and Matt.

Posted by: penelope at June 8, 2004 07:30 AM

I'm so very sorry to hear of your loss, my heart goes out to you.

In times like these I have also learned the true value of letting friends help you grieve, its a brave thing you did, and everyone will always love you for it-believe me.

Your in my thoughts and prayers, take good care and listen to what your body needs, and don't hesitate to provide, its an important time.
xo
Deanna

Posted by: Deanna at June 8, 2004 07:20 AM

Andrea, this really brings tears to my eyes and I feel so saddened by your pain. In the midst of all the sorrow and the grief that you are both experiencing, you are still somehow able to express gratitude.... truly you are amazing.

You are such a blessing in so many people's lives - that is so abundantly clear - how you touch all who come into your orbit is quite extraordinary and remarkable. Now more than ever, I hope that it is some comfort to know that so many people 'out there' are wishing you and your beloved well.
Including me.
love
J.

Posted by: jin at June 8, 2004 07:17 AM

Andrea,

Thank you for being so Brave in sharing this with the world. When we share our times of grief and pain, I believe it can aid in our healing process and maybe someone elses. Bringing things to the surface. Knowing that you are not alone. You have touched so many souls by sharing. You and Matt are in my thoughts and prayers.

Much Love,
Danie

Posted by: Danie at June 8, 2004 07:00 AM

Andrea - my heart goes out to you. I'm so sorry about to hear this!! I wish you the best during this hard time!!

Posted by: Jen at June 8, 2004 06:43 AM

I can't imagine your grief. God bless you.

Posted by: Jonathon at June 8, 2004 06:17 AM

Your post was really moving. It's wonderful to see that you are not alone in this process of grieving; you have people who care and love you very much!

Take good care of yourself!

Stacy

Posted by: Stacy at June 8, 2004 06:03 AM

Andrea, your entry is a blessing on all who have/will read it. Your words and feelings are beautiful and wise. Thank your for being so brave to share this very personal experience in some way.

Posted by: Cori at June 8, 2004 05:51 AM

I am deeply sorry for your loss. Your words as always are beautiful and so well written.........Take time for healing and for feeling everything as that remarkable teacher's lesson stated.
I have been through this pain I know how it feels.
Big hugs, and much love and many blessings.
Love Jeanne

Posted by: Jeanne at June 8, 2004 04:43 AM

I want to send you a big hug. Thank you for opening up so much on your blog. x

Posted by: Loody at June 8, 2004 04:36 AM

many blessings on you. i'm so glad to know you are surrounded by love and care.

Posted by: sara at June 8, 2004 04:23 AM

You are beautiful, Andrea. I am so sorry for your loss. Thinking of you and Matt and knowing you will shake the world soon...you already do...

Posted by: Allison at June 8, 2004 04:03 AM

thank you ...amazing in your pain and grieving you are sharing...it matters..it matters alot...I am one of those lousy friends who gets uncharacteristically stuck and disappear when a friend is going through a hard time...what am I so scared of? I don't know... it sucks that even with so much love in my heart I act in awkward, invisible ways and walk around ashamed and sad and afraid, but still sending huge, firey, love-filled prayers in all directions.....pleas know that I am sending some toward you all...~Fern

Posted by: fern at June 8, 2004 03:28 AM

I'm so sorry. Thank you for telling us; and letting us realise how important it is to share our grief with other people. Another stranger is thinking of you -

Posted by: anja at June 8, 2004 01:42 AM

Andrea
I know we dont know each other...but I'm giving you a virtual hug from here.

Posted by: azura at June 8, 2004 01:08 AM

Andrea, my eyes filled with tears when I read your latest post.

I have recently experienced two early miscarriages. I'm pregnant again now, almost three months...but it's a scary business, this parenting thing. When do I relax and believe that this one is going to work out? But I do have faith that you, and I, will have bountiful and beautiful pregnancies and healthy babies...

it's a matter of holding fast and trusting.

Lots of love and hand-squeezes to you,

Helen

Posted by: Helen at June 7, 2004 11:19 PM

andrea,

my heart goes out to you and matt, and i wish you the warmth, strenght and time to grieve and heal that you need.

love,
momo

Posted by: momo at June 7, 2004 10:48 PM

Dear, Dear, Andrea.

I am so sorry; I can only imagine your sorrow, but the weight of the past week must have been tremendous. In sharing this story, you have again shown the incredible strength and beautfiully raw sincerity that draws people to you. In this difficult time, may you be surrounded by the abundant beauty and love that you have given to so many, including countless strangers; including me.

Thank you for the trust implicit in sharing this story. I will keep you and your family in my prayers, and if there is anything at all I can do, just say the word.

Posted by: melissa at June 7, 2004 10:34 PM