I feel safe because…

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Dear Super-Friends,

It’s been an intense season around here -separation, mediation, grief over a beloved friend -there’s a lot stirring in this tender little heart.

I had a coaching session yesterday that helped me understand my world a bit better. I came to the session feeling profoundly triggered – aware of my separateness, fear/grief that I’m in this life thing alone and watching myself cling to external things for safety.

She asked me to repeat these words: I feel safe because… and fill in the blank.
And then again: I feel safe because… over and over.
I started: “I feel safe because I am in a healthy body. I feel safe because I am sitting on a squishy couch. I feel safe because I have wonderful friends. I feel safe because I am loved.”

And then the tears started to come and my body began to shake with sobs: I feel safe because I am eternal…

I stopped. I felt dizzy. My heart ached.

“That one made me cry…” my voice cracked.

“That’s because you just landed on the thing that’s the most true of all,” she said. “You are safe because you are eternal.”

And we sat there and let that land.
And more tears poured down my face.
And then I started laughing.
And then she started laughing.

“So what now?” she asked.

And my heart suddenly felt light. Lighter than it’s been in a long time.
And I said, “I’m safe because I’m eternal! If that’s true, then let’s have some fun!”

And it doesn’t take away what feels hard. Or complicated.
I still need to show up for my life and do the work.
I still need to find a new home for me and my boys. (If you have any leads on rentals in Berkeley, let me know!)
I still need to pay taxes.
I still need to move through the grief.

But there was a buoyancy that found me in that moment, a wisdom that filled me with lightness.

Then she asked, “When you imagine your best self, your most successful self, your happiest self, what do you see?”

And immediately my creative work came to mind. My artist heart. The place where I find so much joy – where it’s easy for me to find flow. When I take in the beauty + wonder of the world I feel connected again. Like I belong here.  And it always feels better when we do it together.

Would you like to step into some beauty + wonder- seeking with me?

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Superhero Photo begins May 16th, 2016: $99 Bring a friend for free!

My original photo course! It will transform the way you take photos + the way you see the world.

 

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Cultivating Wonder begins May 9th, 2016: Pay what you can!

Here’s what just a couple people have said about the course:

I am loving the class! I feel like I have been walking around with this special secret super power, and while everyone else is trudging through shopping and other madness, I am lucky enough to witness the beauty and wow of the simple everyday moments.

I feel as though having the assignments has served as a tuning fork in my life. I’ve been more present to enjoy the magic and wonder of life. My sense of creativity seems to be growing inside.

 

Superhero Necklaces

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I haven’t made them in years! But I have a tiny stash available for a few color-lovin peeps. You can find them here. Once they’re gone, they’re gone! Please order today so I can get it out to you before I leave for Bali.

Been thinking about hosting a Storybowl?

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I created a Storybowl How-To Kit! It might be the best thing you do this year…
These events are full of connection, joy and healing laughter. Your friends will love you for it.

The Great Jane Retreat

I will be teaching in Ojai May 20-22nd with a luminous crew of other mama-preneurs who want to bring more aliveness into their world. One of my she-ros Amanda Cadenet (from The Conversation) will be giving the keynote!

On the Superhero Blog

My favorite sound It might surprise you!

Francis Weller on grief + anger (Life-changing talk. I’ve watched it a dozen times)

My little dude, Nico

Follow me in Bali!

Bali has been on my Mondo Beyondo list for years. If you want a little vicarious adventure, follow me on Instagram and Facebook! It will surely be a lot of color collecting, monkey spotting + other joys. (My dream inside the dream is to swim with sea turtles. Keep your fingers crossed!)

Instagram
Facebook

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P.S. I love having you in my world. And the more the merrier.

For the above courses, you are invited to bring a friend for free.
Just send me their email address when you purchase!

 

My favorite sound in the entire world.

This sound makes me irrationally happy. It always has. So I decided to google it and found this recording!

Oh my god you guys. Please tell me it makes you giggle with pure joy.

What’s your favorite sound?

 

 

Francis Weller on grief + anger. Life-changing wisdom in this talk.

Listen in as psychotherapist and author Francis Weller, MFT discuss the communal nature of grief, the expressive virtue of anger, false happiness, and the two hands of grief and gratitude. Interview recorded at the 2013 Minnesota Men’s Conference. Give yourself the gift of this 13 minutes. Totally life-changing wisdom.

 

 

Understanding is love’s other name.

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Found this on Brain Pickings. So beautiful I had to share!

At the heart of Nhat Hanh’s teachings is the idea that “understanding is love’s other name” — that to love another means to fully understand his or her suffering. (“Suffering” sounds rather dramatic, but in Buddhism it refers to any source of profound dissatisfaction — be it physical or psychoemotional or spiritual.) Understanding, after all, is what everybody needs — but even if we grasp this on a theoretical level, we habitually get too caught in the smallness of our fixations to be able to offer such expansive understanding. He illustrates this mismatch of scales with an apt metaphor:

“If you pour a handful of salt into a cup of water, the water becomes undrinkable. But if you pour the salt into a river, people can continue to draw the water to cook, wash, and drink. The river is immense, and it has the capacity to receive, embrace, and transform. When our hearts are small, our understanding and compassion are limited, and we suffer. We can’t accept or tolerate others and their shortcomings, and we demand that they change. But when our hearts expand, these same things don’t make us suffer anymore. We have a lot of understanding and compassion and can embrace others. We accept others as they are, and then they have a chance to transform.”

“The question then becomes how to grow our own hearts, which begins with a commitment to understand and bear witness to our own suffering: When we feed and support our own happiness, we are nourishing our ability to love. That’s why to love means to learn the art of nourishing our happiness. Understanding someone’s suffering is the best gift you can give another person. Understanding is love’s other name. If you don’t understand, you can’t love.”

 

When I shared this on my Facebook page, the wise Lauren Rosenfeld responded with this:

“Sometimes we stubbornly refuse to understand because we believe that understanding is a zero sum game: If I reach out to understand you, I must give up a part of my self that I am clinging to as if it were a raft on turbulent river of life. But, in reaching out to understand, what I truly give up is self certainty, which is ego driven and illusory. I let go of the raft of self certainty and find that the flow of the river of Life will carry me and you together.

Understanding is infinitely expansive and illuminating — and in this way — as Thay explains — it is equivalent to love: it casts light on our true nature, our interconnectedness, our infinite and infinitely expansive being.”

I have read these quotes over and over in the last couple of weeks, letting it sink into my heart as deeply as it can go. It’s becoming a bit of a mantra – Understanding is love’s other name… And so I’ve been practicing lately – to get more curious, to let go of being right in favor of understanding. Sometimes it’s as easy as slowing down and reminding myself that all I need to do is listen.

 

 

My little dude.

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Nico got into trouble again yesterday. This time during the after school program when he shouted, “BOOOOORRRING!” while everyone was reading quietly. And then the day before when he left the classroom with 2 other friends to, “feel the air on his face.” The teacher couldn’t find him for a while.

“What was happening when you decided to leave?” I asked.

“I don’t remember,” he replied. And then, “I was so exhausted, I just wanted to lie in the sun.”

Maybe this is it… I think. Chickens coming home to roost. The way Nico is going to act out in protest over the divorce, or the fact that I go out more than usual now, or that I’ve been very shouty lately. I catalog all the things I’ve done wrong, sure that I must be to blame- the one that’s causing this behavior.

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He always has a little dirt beard.

The intuitive brought him up in the middle of our last reading. “Does your 5 year old say things that piss people off?”

“All. The. Time.” I replied. “He walked into the kitchen yesterday with his pants down and said, “It’s penis time ladies!”

The intuitive laughed. “He is having a language explosion right now. He’s highly observant. Probably a writer. This is just how he rolls. He will always be challenging for other people, but I don’t think that’s a bad thing at all. It really creates a lot of success for him. It will be his gold when he’s older.”

“So it’s not my fault?!” I wanted to say. Phew!!

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When I was pregnant with Nico I had a vivid dream about him. He takes life in fully… was the dream’s message – food, pleasure, all of it. He doesn’t resist life. He guzzles it.

I could tell you more stories, like how the other day in the car he asked: “Mommy, why do people say OMG instead of oh-my-gosh?” And I said something about how it comes from texting culture and how people want to abbreviate things so they don’t have to type so much.

“I like saying oh-em-gee,” he replied. “It makes me feel like a big boy.”

Then he paused.

“Like a first grader.”

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Best school picture ever.