How to turn your flaws into your gold.

Is it possible that the things we consider flaws in ourselves can actually be our gifts? Is it possible that by embracing those places we try to suppress, hide from the world, feel ashamed by, we can alchemize them into something like a superpower? Could they actually be our gold?

For this alchemy to work, you first need to bring an open mind. Consider this a thought experiment, something to try on, not something to necessarily take home. You only get to take it home if it feels resonant, like an authentic YES for you. Otherwise, you get to let it go.

Ready? Let’s begin.

1.Choose a part of yourself you might be trying to fix. A perceived flaw. Something you try to hide from the world and feel embarrassed by. (You don’t have to pick the heaviest one, maybe start with something less charged)

2. Imagine how this part of you can be a gift. Literally, just use your imagination and riff on how this could be true, how this part of you is actually a gift. Make it up. Pretend. Act as if. And write for 5 minutes quickly.

3. Take it a step further. How is this piece of you actually your gold? How is this part of you essential in the work you do in the world? In the way you are of service? How is this piece of you JUST RIGHT?

Here are some examples:

One of my favorite coaching clients came to me with a lot of shame about how she didn’t want to be social, how she felt like she was always faking it, how she didn’t want to be out in the world in the way that the world was asking of her. She was feeling crabby about it.

“What if there’s nothing to fix about you?” I asked. “What if the truth (that you don’t want to leave your house much these days except for walks in nature) is neutral? What if there’s nothing wrong with you?”

There was a pause on the other end of the line. “Ohhhhh….” she said… and I could feel the wheels turning in her mind.

“What if you’re a radical introvert? Someone who needs a lot of quiet and time alone to fill yourself up. This is how you get energy and feel resourced for when you are out in the world.”

The idea that she was a radical introvert was a game changer. No shame. Totally neutral. And actually, maybe even something to celebrate.

What are the gifts in this? We mused together.

She is a writer. She is a reader. She has big capacity for stillness and contemplation. She wants to write a book and will be able to do this because she craves the time a writer needs to sit in the quiet with her thoughts and words.

She is also a wise and gentle being. (Especially when she gets what she needs from her radical introvert time!) She can be of service most when she nourishes herself this way. Her radical introversion is her GOLD. Not everyone can sit with their words/thoughts this way. She can.

Here’s another example:

My friend Mati Rose is an incredible artist and painting teacher. As we walked recently, I told her about this lesson. “Let’s try it out on you!” I suggested. “What part of you do you feel embarrassed about or try to hide?”

“Ugh. I’m disorganized. I’m messy. I feel like I gotta get my shit together. I feel like I’m flying by the seat of my pants all the time. I’m the opposite of Type A, I’m Type B! Whatever that is!”

“Okay,” I responded, “what are the gifts of being Type B?”

“Hmmm…. Well, I’m very spontaneous. We wouldn’t be taking this walk if I wasn’t spontaneous! (We had texted each other just minutes before we decided to meet) And it takes some willingness to be messy to do the work I do. To do abstract painting you have to be comfortable not knowing where you are going. You have to be willing to literally get messy, paint all over the place, to get somewhere interesting. You have to trust the mess, to trust the process, to get to something authentic.”

“What else? You’re doing great!” I cheered. “How is your Type B personality actually your gold?”

She got stuck there. Her inner critics started to creep in. So I told her what I saw:

“The process of creating is imperfect and messy. Your willingness to not be perfect gives your people so much space to be their real, human selves. You offer so much compassion to them because you know that the best work comes from when you are able to let go of doing it “right” and tolerate being the unknown/in the mess for a while. If you needed everything tied up in a bow all the time, you wouldn’t have any capacity for the intuitive painting process.

The ways you are Type B, make you a really safe place to try something new. It feels gentle and compassionate. True creativity is born from a place where you don’t know what’s going to happen. Your spontaneity is a gift in this way. You know that magic comes from not having it all figured out.”

Okay sweet friends. It’s your turn. Give it a shot and tell me what you discover in the comments!

P.S. This is the kind of lesson you will receive in the Conscious Girl’s Dating Circle. This would land squarely in the realm of self-compassion! By leaning into our authentic selves (and celebrating and loving all of our parts) we will more swiftly be attracting the right spirits into our lives.

Let’s date! I mean, let’s do it! 😉 And could you forward this note to anyone in your life you think could benefit from it?

I’ve been dating (mostly online) for the last few years and according to my friends, I am having a freakishly positive experience. I will be sharing lots of personal stories (juicy, tender + hilarious ones!) and creating a space where we can learn how to use our dating experiences to grow our courage, hone our intuition and cultivate more joy. In other words, there is a way to have dating be a delicious and meaningful end in and of itself and not just a means to an end.

You can find more details here! Class is $147, but enter the “EARLYGIRL” coupon code to get the course for $99

P.S.S. Off to San Miguel de Allende, Mexico today to teach photography! Follow me on Instagram + FB! I will be doing some serious color collecting + inspiration gathering there.

This is not about falling in love.

A tender little piece I wrote this week that sounded more like poetry than a blog post. So I dared myself to read it to you. xo

Conscious Dating for Badass Babes: Both online + in person!

Oh boy. Dating is a wild ride, isn’t it? All that Tindering and matching and swiping can feel like too much sometimes… and leave us feeling jaded and resigned. More disconnected than connected. More fatigued than energized.

But… what if dating was one of the surest ways to grow your superpowers?
To build your courage, to grow your voice, to hone your intuition and feel more joy?

I believe dating is SUPER rich territory for personal growth. It’s accelerated soul work and a huge opportunity to lean into your authentic spirit and feel more self-love, power and aliveness right now. Not when you get the guy or the girl. But right now.

This workshop is for all you badass babes out there.

We know you because you are our people! You are wise + kind + brave and wondering why the heck you are still dating… You might be feeling frustrated and lost and tempted to stop trying altogether.

We get it. And we are here to bring more ease and joy into the process.

Spend the day with us – Christina Sanders, CPCC and Andrea Scher, CPCC – two coaches who also happen to be badass babes out in the dating world like you!

We will explore:

  • Your dating mindset and the stories are getting in the way of your joy. You will come away with a new narrative – one that feels authentic and also empowers and serves you on your dating adventures.
  • Dating profile as manifesting tool. Getting clear on who we are calling in and what our vision is for the relationships we are manifesting.
  • Honing our intuition: Our full body yeses and no’s. How to tune into our intuition long before we even go on the first date!
  • How to bring more joy to the process.
  • How to set solid boundaries, use our voices powerfully to manifest the relationships we truly want, and tell the truth more quickly and easily.
  • Feng shui-ing our dating life: How to let go of straggling connections and how to say no with grace and ease.
  • How to be compassionate with yourself though the ups and downs – from the thrill of new connection to the tender disappointments and rejection.
  • How to raise your vibe so that you are embodying the feelings of being in love, right now.
  • How your attachment style might be getting in the way + so much more!

Workshop details:
Sunday, March 11th, 2018
10am – 4pm
Location tbd in Berkeley/Oakland area


P.S. Don’t live in the bay area? You can join in the online version! Coming soon… Hit reply if you are interested + would like a special earlybird discount code!


CSP #27: Choosing Ease with SARK

Delighted to bring you this brand new episode of the podcast with my friend and mentor SARK. We talk about choosing ease even when things don’t feel easy at all + much more.

SARK (Susan Ariel Rainbow Kennedy) is a bestselling author and artist. Her books have sold over two million copies. She is the founder and creative fountain of Planet SARK, a thriving business that creates fabulous products and services to support empowered living. She lives gladly in San Francisco.


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Special gift from SARK!

Micromovement Miracle Method: Do more of what you want, more often and easily!



Sneak peek into my new course – Choosing Ease!

Here’s the good news folks: We don’t have to wait for perfect circumstances to be able to find a place of ease inside. 

Have you ever had an experience that was supposed to be “hard” but turned out to be pretty lovely? I’m going to give you an example. But first, let me tell you about a ritual we used to do with Ben before he would go to sleep at night. It went something like this:

Ben: “What was your favorite part of the day?”
Me: “My favorite part was riding that big bicycle along the water.”
Ben: “That was my favorite part!”
Ben: “What was your favorite part daddy?”
Matt: “Let’s see, my favorite part was swimming in the pool with you.”
Ben: “That was my favorite part too!”

As you can probably tell, whatever you would say, it would be Ben’s favorite part too. After doing this for a while, I noticed a little habit of collecting favorite parts throughout the day to bring home to Ben.

As I headed to the doctor’s lab waiting to get my blood drawn one day, I thought of our ritual and started looking for favorite parts. Driving around for twenty minutes looking for parking? Not my favorite part. Getting blood drawn? Definitely not gonna be my favorite part, I thought. (I get super nervous and usually cry or pass out when I get a blood test)

But I imagined seeing the same moment through Ben’s eyes… and while I was with the technician I imagined how this could be my favorite part. As this question entered my mind, I saw the sweetness in the man’s eyes when I told him I didn’t feel well and I saw how connected he was when the tears started pouring down my face.

I noticed how he held my gaze and said, “You are safe with me. Nothing is going to happen to you. I’ve got you…”and how that made me cry even more. (Who was this angel man?) I noticed how he tried to talk to me about Alicia Keys, about how she was classically trained and writes her own songs and most artists don’t do that and how she deserved those Grammy’s… and I understood that he was trying to keep my mind on something else… I noticed all of it. And because I asked myself how this could be my favorite part, I could see something holy in it.

I could see how the favorite parts aren’t necessarily just the fun ones, but the ones where we see beyond the superficial into the sacred.

Our experience is often about where we put our attention. And the stories we layer on to an otherwise neutral occurrence. Blood draw. Just is. Totally neutral.

But I arrived at the clinic with a particular narrative- Blood draws. Bad. I hate blood draws. Blood draws scare me. I pass out when I get shots. Why do I have to do this? Poor me. What if the person doesn’t know what they’re doing? I hate this. 

What made the difference was interrupting that habitual story with a new one – even for a moment – in the form of a question. What if this was my favorite part of the day? (That’s crazy, some part of me responded. Impossible.)

But I held the question just long enough to notice this man’s face. His compassion. His willingness to see me not as his next “patient” but as another vulnerable human being sitting with him. This pause, this moment suspended, was enough to open up a little oasis – one where the story became different.

We mostly miss these moments.

But one of the gifts of being vulnerable is that we are cracked open. Even just a little bit. We are porous. Kindness (even the smallest varieties) can seep in more easily. When I am the most vulnerable I notice even the smallest gestures and my heart fills with gratitude. Vulnerable moments are the best places to practice this.

Have you had a moment like the one I described?

A moment when you were vulnerable, softer than usual, maybe even cracked open + someone offered you something from their heart? Something real, something kind, and you were able to let it in? Maybe it was even your favorite part? A moment of ease, well-being, connection, intimacy inside a very imperfect circumstance.

P.S. Did this piece resonate for you? If so, join me in exploring Choosing Ease! The delight starts Monday.