spools

spools4.jpg
spools of thread, San Francisco, Canon Digital Rebel

Thank you to everyone for your kind comments and emails! And just to add a little disclaimer, I want to say that there are hard days (like when I wrote the previous entry) but mostly good ones. I noticed that if you simply read that entry, you might think I am moping around being sad and hating nice pregnant ladies.

Which is really not the truth.

Really, it’s not.

Thank you again, especially for your stories.

“The violets in the mountains have broken the rocks.”
– Tennessee Williams

17 Comments

  1. Posted March 5, 2006 at 12:44 am | Permalink

    Honesty never weaves nor creates lies. Like the many colorful spools of thread… one shade is sadness, one might be frustration…you have many spools of wonderful color. Thank you for sharing honestly.

  2. Posted March 5, 2006 at 6:11 am | Permalink

    Good LORD, honey~that’s amazing for YOU if you’re mostly having good days—but, please don’t feel the need to apologize or “disclaim” the rockier/cloudy days. We’re all human !!!
    Most of the entries I’ve read of yours here have been brimming with Life & celebration.
    The issue of infertility is very personal/deep & of COURSE would cause deep FEELings in you.
    In FACT: I deMAND we see MORE of your Shadow side !!!!!! heeeheee (kinda joking …..)

  3. Posted March 5, 2006 at 8:14 am | Permalink

    Hello, just discovered your blog, and wanted to share some thoughts with you. I too went through years of infertility, and had to see both a younger sister (by 10 years) accidently get pregnant!, and my sister-in-law have a baby before I was able to conceive. We (my hubby and I) found support in a local ‘infertility support group’. There must be one in your area, call the hospitals or ask your doctor. You are lucky to have found a friend to share your feelings with! I remember, as if it were yesterday, those days of uncontrollable crying, anger and helplessness. My mother couldn’t understand why I was so upset, she had 4 children, who just ‘popped’ out. God it was hell!!! But there is hope at the end of the tunnel. From our group of 4 couples, one conceived twins with meds, one conceived a boy using donor sperm, one adopted a beautiful little girl from China, and we conceived naturally (after 4 years) having had ‘undefined infertility’. We still see two of the families on a regular basis, Never forgetting that period of great need and desire. I think our breakthrough came when I was finally able to let go, relax and look into adoption. As a woman it is very difficult to feel cheated of our ‘god-given’ rights. But, sometimes there are other avenues to these desires. Hope this helps, I feel for you, and know exactly what you are feeling. Blessings.

  4. Posted March 5, 2006 at 8:15 am | Permalink

    Hello, just discovered your blog, and wanted to share some thoughts with you. I too went through years of infertility, and had to see both a younger sister (by 10 years) accidently get pregnant!, and my sister-in-law have a baby before I was able to conceive. We (my hubby and I) found support in a local ‘infertility support group’. There must be one in your area, call the hospitals or ask your doctor. You are lucky to have found a friend to share your feelings with! I remember, as if it were yesterday, those days of uncontrollable crying, anger and helplessness. My mother couldn’t understand why I was so upset, she had 4 children, who just ‘popped’ out. God it was hell!!! But there is hope at the end of the tunnel. From our group of 4 couples, one conceived twins with meds, one conceived a boy using donor sperm, one adopted a beautiful little girl from China, and we conceived naturally (after 4 years) having had ‘undefined infertility’. We still see two of the families on a regular basis, Never forgetting that period of great need and desire. I think our breakthrough came when I was finally able to let go, relax and look into adoption. As a woman it is very difficult to feel cheated of our ‘god-given’ rights. But, sometimes there are other avenues to these desires. Hope this helps, I feel for you, and know exactly what you are feeling. Blessings.

  5. Kate
    Posted March 5, 2006 at 3:43 pm | Permalink

    Oh, no no no! Most of us regulars KNOW you as the sunshine that brightens our days (well, mine, at least). And your previous post was too eloquent to be taken for shallow poor-me-ness. As always, your words ring true for me no matter what you do!

  6. Posted March 5, 2006 at 4:56 pm | Permalink

    You share openly and honestly and everyone feels badly sometimes. We all know that you’re a ray of sunshine and light.

  7. Sharon
    Posted March 5, 2006 at 5:10 pm | Permalink

    I truly enjoy your blog. Please don’t ever feel the need to apologize for how you feel. Trying to conceive a child is no trivial matter. We all need to express our feelings, on big issues and, sometimes, on small ones. Regardless, you have created a community that truly cares for you. Take care and know you’re in our thoughts and prayers.

  8. james
    Posted March 5, 2006 at 5:28 pm | Permalink

    andy you don’t have to apologize for moping. moping is part of the joy of it all. Go ahead, mope for a bit, I don’t mind.

  9. Posted March 5, 2006 at 6:44 pm | Permalink

    beautiful spools
    beautiful blog
    beautiful andrea
    any day
    any way

  10. Posted March 6, 2006 at 5:36 am | Permalink

    andrea,
    it’s your honesty that is so refreshing. i forwarded your last post to a friend who is also “in the waiting room” and she was touched because so much of what you said…the conflicting emotions were exactly what she was feeling, but afraid to voice (like so many of us).
    all my hopes,
    wendy

  11. Laura
    Posted March 6, 2006 at 6:43 am | Permalink

    You’re allowed to mope around from time to time — we all are — don’t ever feel like you must apologize. Gotta have those blue days once in a while. 🙂 When the sun comes out, it is all the brighter.

  12. Posted March 6, 2006 at 7:06 am | Permalink

    Andrea, I LOVE the spools…I want one that is huge to put on the wall of my sewing studio! You photography is so amazing. jackie

  13. Posted March 6, 2006 at 8:25 am | Permalink

    I bet before the violets broke the rocks they had some tough work to do. I’ve been watching some mini sunflowers grow, the first thing I’ve ever watched grow from a seed…I have watched them have what I would call triumphant days (breaking through the top of the soil, for example) and not so great days (too much leaning over, breaking in half). I can’t tell you how much I love them for showing me that I am not alone in my varied moods, experiences, etc. You are a gift because you do the same thing.
    My son has a book called “My Many Colored Days”. I think about how generous I am with him – how generous this book asks us to be with children and their emotions. I try to be generous with myself too ( but it’s more difficult) – to have the days I feel like a happy circus seal or a purple dinosaur that drags its tail or a black grouchy bear…or a day when “I don’t know who or what I am”. Your spools of thread and your posts remind me of this book as well.
    Thank you for this.

  14. Jenn
    Posted March 6, 2006 at 8:39 am | Permalink

    Andrea,
    I love that you post when you aren’t feeling perfectly lovely and happy. I think it’s really important. I think when you feel angry, sad and frustrated it’s part of the process. Share that! We need to be able to reach out and say I don’t feel great today. The hard parts are real too and if we can’t share in those moments, why are we all here? I think when we are true with others as to what we are feeling we all learn something and we all grow from that. I love you for sharing what is real. What works for you and what is still a struggle. It helps me feel like I am not alone in my stuggle.
    Jenn

  15. morgan
    Posted March 6, 2006 at 9:01 pm | Permalink

    Andrea~
    I read your blog for several reasons…the colors, the quotations, the stories of adventure, the photographs. But many blogs out there have those things too. What truly sets yours apart to me is how you are hones and real, and I feel like I could call you up if I were in San Francisco and you’d go out to coffee like we had known each other for years. You are fabulous and human and inspire people daily by just being real and you.

  16. Meg
    Posted March 7, 2006 at 6:11 am | Permalink

    I agree with everyone! If you didn’t have bad days, you wouldn’t be like the rest of us. No apologies!! It was a wonderful thought provoking post.

  17. Posted March 8, 2006 at 10:09 pm | Permalink

    “The moment one gives close attention to anything, even a” friend of a friend…
    friend of my friend, can i make a request? will you follow this link please?
    http://www.ramahughes.com/andrea_superhero.jpg